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| Confederate Memorial Day |
| 04.26.04 (8:36 pm) [edit] |
Apparently today is Confederate Memorial Day, which is acknowledged here in Alabama by closing the court houses and state facilities. State employees get the day off to ponder their Southern heritage. Hmmmm. I wonder how many celebrated by putting on their white robes (and hoods) and cleaning their guns? Unfairly stereotypical? Maybe. But the truth is, many (maybe even most) Southerners still hang on to some of that arrogance and prejudice of our ancestors. And those of us who don't, are intensely humiliated by it. Enlightenment is hard to come by down here. Sometimes I wonder how I grew up to be normal, relatively speaking.
Do other states celebrate this day, or are we the only hicks left in the country?
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| the girl |
| 04.26.04 (7:29 pm) [edit] |
The woman watched her daughter
Intently from across the room.
Taking notice of the ease with which
She interacted with others.
The self confidence shown
In her performance.
The girl was fourteen, almost fifteen.
Practically a woman now.
Not much younger, in fact,
Than her mother was
When she was born.
The woman could hardly remember
The time before her.
It seemed they had been together
Always.
She thought about what her child
Had grown to be--
Beautiful, smart, athletic, ambitious.
Although she knew she couldn't
Take credit for all of this
She had to admit she was proud.
How strange, she thought,
To look at another woman
And know that you created her.
At least in part.
How awesome and thrilling
and absolutely terrifying.
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| relief |
| 04.20.04 (11:50 am) [edit] |
Well, I survived the weekend with the in-laws (always a scary prospect for a lesbian couple in the South). I think it went relatively well. Maybe some discomfort but no real drama to speak of. The wedding (my partner's brother's) was nontraditional and sweet. Met some new people. My grrl and I even managed some time to ourselves to prowl around DC and see the sights. That was great. Ate some sushi. Browsed a couple of bookstores. Wandered through museums. Sat in the park. Ate some more sushi. We travel well together. No getting irritable and arguing about what we want to do. She's great like that.
Going back to work today was difficult; but, since I was off yesterday, the work week is only 4 days long. Trying to look at the positives, here.
Oh, yeah, we adopted a kitten yesterday. So cute! The kids are ecstatic. I'm excited, myself.
I'd say things are going well right now. I'm trying my best not to let myself be overwhelmed by work pressure already. I hope I can maintain this relatively relaxed state of mind.
Goal for the week: Breathe in, breathe out
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| gloom, despair, and agony on me |
| 04.13.04 (12:14 pm) [edit] |
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I have so many negative thoughts running through my head right now. This week is unbearably stressful. I feel close to panic. I think I might cry, which is a little scary, because I don't cry. I don't know how to calm myself down. It's overwhelming. When am I going to get some relief? I feel like I just want to RUN.........
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| crackhead |
| 04.08.04 (10:03 pm) [edit] |
I can't believe that he got off so easy. He (and not for the first time, mind you) stole checkbooks, forged the owner's name on them, purchased items and/or cashed the checks for thousands of dollars, used the money to smoke crack for three months straight, traded both his and his grandmother's car for drugs, and completely forgot he has three children (including forgetting to pay child support for most of the year). Oh, yeah, there was also that matter of failing to appear or pay fines or attend class as ordered for a previous DUI.
At his hearing today, his attorney made a deal for him to attend a rehab program for one year, minus time served since he was picked up on these charges. That's it. So, even though [u]each [/u]forged check [u]could[/u] carry a prison sentence, he gets NO prison time because he is an addict who relapsed. Again.
Does that make any sense? It's not like he didn't know what he was getting into. He's been down this road before. He knew that day when he turned onto that street to go see that dealer that he would end up right where he is now. So, his lack of conscience is being rewarded.
Maybe addiction is a disease but driving to the crack house after having been clean for years is a [u]behavior.[/u] A behavior that can be controlled. He gives the same tired excuse every time. "I'm just not happy." Well, who is, really? A great job, good health, supportive family, great kids. What does he expect from life? Too much, obviously. Because every time he's not having enough fun, the rest of us pay for it. It's all about him. Everyone is supposed to feel sorry for him. Even me, who has raised the kids alone practically since their birth, caring for them in every way--emotionally, financially, physically.
He expresses no remorse, no insight, no promise of ever changing. He was sent to rehab a few months ago and they sent him home because he wasn't willing to do a single thing in the program. They said they weren't babysitting him if he wasn't willing to do the work. Now I'm stuck with explaining all this to the kids yet again and am forced to eventually resume allowing the kids to visit him. You know parents have the right to see their kids no matter what they have done. Once they "clean up", you're supposed to forget how scared you were while they were using and feel okay about leaving the kids alone with them.
Does playing Play Station once or twice a month with the kids make you a father? Apparently, it does. Just contributing sperm is enough. Even if you never actually take any responsibility for the children. Well, fuck him. Fuck his attorney and the drug court program and the judge and the patriarchal idea that kids belong to their father because they take his last name.
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| Think Good Thoughts |
| 04.05.04 (9:35 pm) [edit] |
words become actions
actions become habits
habits become character
character becomes destiny
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| justice |
| 04.02.04 (7:42 pm) [edit] |
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Something is seriously wrong with the criminal justice system here when an 84 year old grandmother receives a prison sentence for selling 3 of her leftover Lorcet pills to an acquaintance; but a guy who smokes crack daily, steals a car, forges checks worth thousands of dollars, and skips out on child support for about six months gets to go through "drug court" and is sentenced to go to a substance abuse counseling group a couple of times a week with no prison time at all. What's up with that?
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