Psychophant


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moon phases
 
Lucy
03.19.05 (11:09 am)   [edit]

Last week, a friend at work (I'll call her Lucy) confided in me that she has a "thing" for our supervisor, who is a woman.  Lucy is a straight girl.  She has always dated men and seemed satisfied with that.  She's  woman who really enjoys sex and is often seen checking out some guy's ass in public.  So, her revelation was initially surprising.  She says that she finds herself staring at the woman when in staff meetings, that she makes up reasons to go ask her questions,  that she tries to do her paperwork perfectly to please the woman, and that she actually plans out what to wear so that she will look good when she sees her.  She even re-applies her lipstick just before the supervisor walks in.  She laughs at herself for doing this, and she stops short of actually expressing sexual interest in her.  Watching this has been so amusing.  The supervisor is totally unaware of how Lucy feels and certainly does nothing to encourage it.


So, I wonder--what's the deal?  Is she a closet case?  Reluctanly bi-curious?  Or do most people develop  platonic crushes from time to time?
 
Should I stay or should I go?
03.10.05 (5:07 am)   [edit]
Things were shaken up a little at work this week.  The supervisor of our substance abuse services turned in her resignation.  This position will not be easy to fill, so our clinical director has been desperately searching for someone who would be willing and able to do it.  Surprisingly, she approached me about it.  It hadn't crossed my mind to apply for the position, so I had to really think about whether or not I would be interested. 
Most of my clinical experience has been with mental illness, not with substance abuse (although many of my clients have co-occuring disorders and fit into both categories).  It would be a good career move, probably, to have more variety of experience.  It would be a promotion, which would mean a little more money (not much, but some).  The job would require a lot of work with other agencies in the community, which I enjoy.  I have worked in the court system in other positions and feel comfortable doing that.
On the other hand, I love the job I have now (as the supervisor for the Assertive Community Treatment program).  It's a relatively new program (2 1/2 years old) and I've been here since it began.  I had to start it with basically no direction from my boss at the time and it has taken a while for me to feel like I completely understand the needs and roles of the program.  It's running smoothly now and has expanded in the last year with more staff and more consumers.  I've had several staff members come and go, but the team I have now works well together. I hate the thought of leaving it.  The other position is a stressful one.  The person who just resigned was so burned out with it, she just quit before she even found another job.  She's very bright and energetic but couldn't keep up the pace anymore. 
I think I've decided to stay where I am.  At this point in my career, it would be difficult to give up a job that I love for one that I may hate.  If I dreaded going to work every day, I don't think I could cope.  I also don't want to give up providing direct service to my clients.  The new position would be solely an administrative one, whereas the one I have now is a working supervisory role.  Seeing clients is the fun part of my job.  
It's weird when things happen that force you to think about where you are and where you're going. It's been stressful for me just thinking about making a change like that and trying to decide the best route to take.  I guess it's a good thing, though, not to become too comfortable with what you're doing.  Thinking about giving it up has made me realize how much I love my position, my clients, my staff.  I feel lucky to have that. In previous positions that I haven't enjoyed so much, work was such drudgery.  So much of my time is spent at work, I can't imagine being in that kind of environment all the time.  Life is too short to be in misery for 8+ hours a day.